Flash Fiction: a complete story
in one thousand or fewer words.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Car Review on a Writing Site? Why, oh, Why?

I first saw reference to this Bugatti car-review article on Wired by way of SlashDot. It is a review of their new billionaire's club Veyron sports car that has a top speed of 245 MPH and acceleration to 60 mph in 2.5 seconds. You'd have to sell quite a few short stories to purchase one: $2.1 million. That's about $2000 per horsepower (8 liter, 1001 horsepower).

What's interesting about the article is the writing, which praises the amazing road performance of the car while an undercurrent flows that humorously rips Bugatti (owned by Volkswagen) for building the car.

The acceleration is so immediate you can feel your eyeballs deform under the G-forces. It's a sensation of isolationist joy, an out-of-body awareness that you're moving faster than the world can react. Bystanders vaguely remember seeing a flash of expensive paint a few seconds after you disappear over the horizon; entire generations of insects die on your prow. Passing other motorists becomes a dangerous entitlement that has you resenting oncoming traffic for hogging your "VIP lane" -- especially when you realize that you can outrun not only the 5-0's cruisers, but their helicopters, too....
It required the intellectual might of one of the largest and arguably smartest car companies in the world to birth a car that was not only faster than anything on the road, but easy enough to pilot that anyone could drive it. ("It killed my husband" is not the kind of country-club buzz that sells cars.)

I think at $2.1 million, they could have spent a few more microseconds coming up with a name for the car. Maybe give each owner a unique name or his car. (Yeah, this is a boy's toy.)

If you should meet an owner and feel pissy, I suggest these insults:

  • It's a Volkswagen, dude.
  • Where's the cupholder?

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