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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Quantum Flux Causes Everything! (The Onion)

I thought it was funny when The Onion was bought by the Chinese [that issue], but now they're making fun of science fiction. They've gone too far! Blast 'em with quantum flux. What is quantum flux? It does everything and explains everything in this typical science fiction novel:

In Fournier's novel, the idea that particles of energy can appear suddenly out of nowhere is used to explain events that might otherwise seem random, such as how a starship achieves light speed despite the total destruction of its engines in battle, why a loyal first officer suddenly decides to spy on behalf of the aliens who murdered his family, and what became of the security captain whose Southern accent was getting annoying to work with.

Listen here, The Onion, I've invented something for my new novel that will blast you so far into another time and place you'll never get back: quantum acid reflux. You don't want to be on the wrong end of that.

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